NEW YORK - The world knows Earl "DMX" Simmons the superstar artist for his multi-platinum music but one person knew him better than anyone else: Desiree Lindstrom, his fiancee of 10 years, mother of their 4-year-old son, and the love of his life. She spoke out about their close relationship and how she has been dealing with her painful personal loss.
"He was my best friend, he was all I had, he was my everything, he was my world," Lindstrom said. "I lived around him, so it has been very hard."
She opened up about her extraordinary relationship with one of hip-hop's most creative and beloved stars.
In April, as fans held vigils outside White Plains Hospital, Desiree stayed by his bedside day and night. She said no one could tell her or convince her he was not going to wake up.
"I wasn't going to give up on him. I didn't care if I was looking like a walking zombie, I wasn't going to give up," she said. "I had hope, faith, he was going to get up."
She told me that she met Earl 10 years ago in Arizona. Their first date, at a Buffalo Wild Wings, was full of laughter and jokes. She said that when he held her close, she did not want him to let her go. Despite many challenges, he never did.
Desiree revealed that in 2021 DMX was at a turning point — embracing family life and looking towards their future.
"I really feel like he was coming to a peace, he was trying to fix everything," she said. "He reached out to certain people that he'd had issues with and he was just trying to fix everything."
That healing process ended on April 9, 2021, when DMX died from catastrophic cardiac arrest.
Desiree said her toughest moments are in private with their son Exodus, especially when they visit his gravesite.
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"He tells me he wants to go to Heaven with his daddy and visit him. I tell him, 'You can't come back if you go to heaven with your Daddy,'" she said, wiping away tears. "He says, 'I'm a be back Mommy, I'm a come back.' I say, 'It's not a visit type of thing, Baby.'"
Desiree said the spiritual faith Earl taught her and that they shared is helping her now, just as it did when their 10-year relationship hit rocky patches.
"I wanted to be there for him, I wanted to love him unconditionally," she said. "And that's what I feel like I did."
Friends and business associates say that DMX was planning to take Desiree on a trip and give her a surprise wedding. About a week before he passed away, he told her to buy a white dress. She thought it was for a beach vacation but now she knows it was for the wedding that will never happen.
Still, Desiree is grateful he left her a legacy of love and their beautiful son.